2010

I'm tired of making New Year resolutions, because it's just another " hangat hangat tahi ayam" thing... because I know, that I have a lot of resolutions, and it's too much to commit to. So why the trouble????

2 years ago, and ago ago..... I started the new year, with new uniforms, new shoes, and old friends,
One year ago, I started new year in a new environment and new friends,
This year, I started a new year, with nothing. Just waiting for days to pass.

Guess, starting from 2010, this is when I come to a point where I really have to walk alone.
So, if I'm gonna walk alone.. I'm gonna walk without any doubts, any regrets.. I'll walk my way, & I'll stand on my own. I'll be more independent & I won't be so helpless and pathetic like last year......

2010, it's another damn year...

I want

I want to be brave,
so that I'll never be a slave,
I want to have courage,
so that I'll have guts,
to jump over the edge,
I want to be strong,
so that I can always stand,
& never fall.
To laugh,
& never cry,
To keep walking,
& never stop.
To let go,
& never regret.

This Sucks,

I think my heart just closed.

That's it, fuck it..

Alas, another failure... it's official.. turns out I ain't good enough.. the fact is.. I'm not... I'm full of flaws.. Not perfect enough.. Well, who is?

& they say, when one door closes, two doors open... Now I'm finding those two doors... I'm still standing, & I'm still walking.


yeah, I just got 'rejected' again... LOL.. since Melbourne doesn't want me, I'll go to a place where somebody wants me.. then I'll make Melbourne regret.. * just kidding*... all these are tin kosong talk lah... anyway.. true enough.. I just got slammed in the face.. that's ok... literally, I think I screwed that interview myself.. lol.. just thinking of that incident makes me laugh..

this morning, I called my mum.. and she told me the news, in a way like.. it's not a big deal.. I swear my world did stop..in 2 seconds... well, the great thing about mums are.. they can sense what you are feeling .. even if you are like... 123456789 miles away from them... it's like they have secret fly spies following you around... true enough.. she did sense disappointment from me.. what to do? She's The Mother... ok. maybe she's not so great.. because the cheerful conversation between her and me became a "one syllable" conversation... so damn obvious, even the deaf also know lah.... & then my "fuck it" attitude came.. I was like " whatever la.. try again loh.." What to do? try again loh...

but to bow down to fate, no way..

Give up? Hell no..



p.s sorry guys..

Secrets

Secrets,
can you keep'em?
What's your secret?
shhh...
It's a secret....

The truth
is always a secret..
Why tell a secret,
if you want to lie??
shh...
It's a secret.

Today,
I read 342 secrets..
I thought about it 342 times,
I felt differently in 342 ways,
& I realised I shared the same secrets with 10 strangers.
shh....
It's a secret.



pssh.... wanna know a secret?
shh.. It's a secret.



I'm not wonderwoman..
shh.. It's a secret.

Nothing left, but the end.

Indeed,
it's all coming to an end..
when it all end,
it ends,
just like that...
When it all end,
there's no more going back,
when we all leave,
there's no more turning back,
when I leave,
I'm taking everything back,
once all is set,
I'm never coming back.
so, there's nothing left,
but the end.

p.s for every beginning, there's an ending.. (this shall be the my next blog title XO )

That's it..

The end...

Who's awake?

Another sleepless night, I bet there will be more sleepless nights after today.... well, tomorrow is the last paper.. and it's BIOLOGY.. and because it's BIOLOGY, it makes you don't want to slack, because it's BIOLOGY!! But on the other hand, it makes you wanna slack because its the last paper..

To slack, or not to slack.. that's the question.

Anyway, the point is.. I can't sleep.. I went to bed at 2.00am... toss and turn... listen to how Michelle snores, listen to what she sleep talks... (she does that EVERYDAY... without fail, no wonder the sleepless nights)... and now it's ... who know's what time it is now..... So I decided to bring my lappy with me to bed... & because I'm so desperate to get some sleep.. *hello? test later??!* I googled " How to fall asleep" and this is what I found.
1. Practice good sleep hygiene
W.T.H.. I want to sleep.. like now... I don't want to take a few days to practice how to sleep properly to sleep properly...

2.Make sure you have a comfortable bed in which you can get a good night's sleep.
like I said.. I want to sleep now.. what you expect to do?? Change my bed??

3.Get into a comfortable position, loosen any tight restrictive clothing.
I'm not even wearing a freaking bra.. how unrestrictive you wanna me to be...

4. Soundproof your room..
My room is very quiet.. excluding Michelle's snore..

5. Play an instrument.
I do that, the big eye Indian will come banging my door..

6. Make up an imaginary friend
I think I'll freak myself up....

7. Tell yourself that you are tired.
I'm telling myself that.. over and over again.....


8. Do something boring..
well, let's see how many people are awake...

Alex--> ooh.. I see him online in msn.. but not replying.. so he must be sleeping.. or studying really really hard... or....... youtubing...

Azizul--> hmm, don't see him online.. batang hidung pun tak de.. either sleeping... or.... mushy mushy with gf through any sort of internet communication..

Chiew--> ooh.. I see him online too.. but not replying.. I guess he must be sleeping, or gaming... studying.. is a definite no-no... for him of course.

Eugenie--> hmm, not online though... but ... kinda impossible she'll be sleeping.. i guess she must be cramming in Biology in that small brain of hers..'

Jamie--> out of the question.

Michelle--> out of the question... really out of the question... predictable, and predicted..

Ming Khai--> hmm.. it's 2 something in Msia.. I guess.. he's still on facebook..

Philip--> .. Sleeping.. must be... or he definitely will not wake up tomorrow.

Priscilla--> if not mistaken, she has accounting paper tomorrow.... I guess...she still studying....

Serene--> this one.. for sure sleeping edi wan la..

Sophia--> DEFINATELY AWAKE.. still cramming on biology..

Weechen--> DEFINATELY AWAKE..I jz talked to him.. and he said he's chasing some legendary items.. W.T.H.

Zhao farn--> DEFINATELY AWAKE.. same species like Chiew

Well, I better stop.... there are still more ways of falling asleep from wikiHow, I just took the one with ridiculous examples.
** listening to music from the Chronicles of Narnia**

The last war cry..

One more day,

one more paper,

Hang on there,

do not slack,

keep on going

and never look back,

shout out your last war cry,

for the year 2009.

At your Face Bi-atch!

You are such a bitch,
acting like a witch,
trying to bewitch,
What the fuck is wrong with you
you ,motherfucker jackass
I've gave you signs
You read my mind
and yet you stick to her
just like a damn hooker
I've hinted you to back off
but you're just too cool to get lost
but shrugged it off just like a damn blonde
winding that tongue of yours,
Now I'm sending you a message
loud and clear,
just enough for this pussy to hear
fuck off bitch
you wannabe retard
cut your crap,
before I cut you alive
to reduce
what you used to seduce
and make you can't reproduce
that's what you get
for blowing my damn fuse.........

p.s not the current problem in Adelaide, but Malaysia..

Black book of everything

Someday, or soon... I shall write a story on my life...

and I'll keep on writing,

everyday,

all the time

thoughts,

feelings,

emotions,

people,

happenings,

everything...

I'll put down in that black book of mine,

& I shall ask somebody to reread it

when I start forgetting..

& I shall call this book,

my little Black Book of everything..

December

Today.. is the 1st day of December..
The first day of the Christmas Month.
also,

-the first day of Yule in the Pagan calender

-the first day of winter in the northern Hemisphere

-the first day of summer in the southern Hemisphere. (Australia.. oh shiate)

-the day AIDS virus is recognised...
Today is World AIDS day..

-the birthday of Brad Delson (guitarist from Linkin Park)

-the day Henry I of England died

-the last day to study for critical thinking...

-the last day of 1st of December in Adelaide


Oh, December,
You've come so soon,
sooner than we know,
Snow, you bring to the North,
Sun and warmth,
you bring to the South.
What has happened
has happened,
What is going to happen,
is going to happen...
Bury the past,
and head on towards another
blur future,
unknowingly
unconsciously,
time passes so quickly,
life passes on with a sigh,
because it's already time to
bid auld lang syne

p.s I feel like burning all my critical thinking books after today...
if I do so...in my room... I think this will be the day that Hassan will evict me..*_*

Let me sleep..

I've trouble sleeping..
and I don't know why......
so, I stared at the stars,
till I see the light,
of the morning dawn....
& I wonder,
is anyone
still wide awake??
please let me know,
so that you won't feel so alone..

Science

takes out all the fun,
Fairy tales, folktales, myths
disappear,
lost in the ears,
gone through speech,
never coming back.

Rainbow, what is it?
A bridge connecting heaven and earth?
No.
A colourful snake that created the world?
No.
A path to a pot of gold,
guarded by leprechauns?
No.
Then? What is it?
Wavelengths, refraction,
light from sun
to the droplets in the skies,
usually seen after rain......

Then? Rain, what is Rain?
Tears from the gods above?
No.
A precipitation,
caused by evaporation,
with further condensation,
which result in this formation.

Indeed,
Science,
takes away the fun,
BUT,
without science,
life now will never exist,
without science,
man now will never subsist,
BUT,
yet, with science,
the world of fantasy,
has already extinct.

Falling skies

ooh..the rain has come

what's it like,

to be underneath

drop by drop,

it hits my face,

bit by bit,

it wets me whole,

head to toe,

I'm fully soaked,

oh, what fun,

it is to be

beneath the falling skies

.

Robots and Humans?

Are you happy??

Think again...

You are happy,
because you are ignorant..
Ignorance is bliss,
that's what they say,
so,
are you happy??

You are happy,
because your brain
tells you that you happy

We are like machines,
robots..
The brain,
control us,
not the heart,

We are alive,
is not because of
our heart
it's because of
the brain.
sending signals,
you know?
signals,
imaginary red dots that appear in the radar,
they keeps us alive..
they tells us when to breathe,
and when to stop.

Emotions,
feelings,
what are they?
Just mere words,
we do what our brain tells us,
we feel what our brain tells us,
Emotions, feelings,
feelings, emotion,
they are nothing...

So,
aren't we like robots?
Robots have no emotions,
because they are programmed not to have any,
We created them,
we don't put emotions in them,
because we if we did,
they become us,
We are just another robot with emotions,

Oh, so pathetic...

Prayer?

Mum called,

she asked me to pray to God...


I asked her,


silently,

how?


How to pray to somebody whom I've already forsaken??

Insolence & rebellion

Sometimes,
there is no home,
because coming back
is such a woe.
The bitterness in your face
tells it all,
the speech you gave
was wise,
never so true,
and yet,
ended
with such tantalizing words.
& I wonder
Have we ever been in one of your pride?
Are we such disappointment to you?
You said it once
Disgrace, we are
failure for sure,
but behold,
what we have become
We are what we are now,
is indeed the doings,
of the woman you so much hate.

There is no fear for you
nor hatred in us
for those days has passed,
gone and never returning,
We learned to forgive
but never forgetting,
Yet, it is only you
blinded by the past,
holding such huge grudge.
Why can't you accept
this woman
whom your son tie knot with,
Why did you say you love us,
but yet deny us.
All we want
is a grandfather,
not a dictator.
& when it all comes to an end,
you'll die a broken man,
while we carry our regrets,
for these insolent acts.
That is why,
there is no such thing as home,
as coming back,
is such a woe.

End of Days

Blow of the first trumpet,
we all fall down,
Blow of the second trumpet,
our souls arise,
under the sun
we bide,
truth and lies revealed
as Judgement day commenced.
The angels witness,
the dead howls
To hell with you,
for you are damned,
hear the screams
from the ground under,
welcome to the underworld..

Chickens and doctor..

My parents told me to google up the information about what does it takes to be a doctor.....

instead of finding the information, I googled up: Why did the chicken cross the road??

so, Why did the chicken cross the road?




To get to the other side....