If today was My Last day..(not serious)

ok.. I don't know why.. but I just have the urge to blog about this..

It started with me, playing the so called Noob, lame, stupid but addicting game -----> Bejeweled.. and at the same time, I overheard the song from Nickelback, "If today was your Last day" and... I found it quite ... inspiring.. So I google the lyrics.. and as expect... the lyrics.. was meaningful.. Try googling it up.. and you get what I mean

In the lyrics, he said that.. He would live all moments as his last, live old pictures in the past and donate every dime he had. He would call those frens he never see, and forgive his enemies..He would fall in love and mend a broken heart..

So, these are things that Nickelback... will do.. if today was their last day...

Yes...So... What if... Today was your last day??

If today was my last day....

I would probably be emo-ing the whole day... because I can't accept that tomorrow I will be dead..
I would probably be swearing the whole day to God..
I probably spend the whole day crying... because I can't accept that I am forced.. really forced to say goodbye..yes I know.. such sad people on earth...
In the end, I probably kill myself before the day even ended... (just joking)

yeah, this happens if and only if.. I am going through PMS.. on the very last day of my life.. I would seriously swear...to God... asking him why do I have to go through PMS...on the last freaking day of my life... He would probably answer : Borned as a female, die like a female.. =.=

Ok... this is just a random post... because I don't feel like sleeping yet...

p.s probably would blog more about this... soon...

Parents.... tsk tsk

It's been a month or two,
since I last saw you....
Though you called
weekly, without fail...
But still..
it's your face
that I want to see..
So fix it already!
Fix the bloody connection..
and get on the damn skype...


I hate to admit it.. but I miss my parents' face... and sis too.

Awoken..

I feel pathetic..
because I'm like this,
drown in self pity,
I don't want to be pitied,
and yet,
I pity myself,
for not looking
from another point..
What's wrong??
nothing..
I don't know,
indecisive...
what the heck..
when will I ever learn...
to turn to a blade...
when I'm down..
and never look up
to see what's wrong...
Pills..
won't help..
I know...
A person,
is still a person...


Wake up bitch..
enough of this...
childish act..
immature..
saddist..
look everywhere..
here and there..
with your eyes
and not just mere sight...
See those scars,
they'll stay there
everlasting,
the shame
that you are going to carry
forever..
No longer pride,
just a scar,
full of guilt...
stupid girl...
wake up..
Never again,
turn to a blade for advise..
Fuck you.. you stupid knife...

Breathe

& I felt it crawling,
underneath my skin,
& I saw it flowing,
out of my skin,
& I saw myself,
smiling secretly,
& I was breathing,
freely again,

Locked,
hidden..
I'm suffocating,
I'm sinking,
& I felt it calling,
softly to me
& I felt it coming,
within my soul..
& I felt myself finding,
seeking and searching..
Where the heck are you?

Ask me why,
I don't know,
Ask me how,
I don't know,
Talk to me,
No, I won't
Give it back,
I want it now..
I need to breathe again..

Swear

Seriously,

I feel like thanking the fella who created the word "Fuck" ... because, it really comes in very.. very handy.. in situation like this... Situation where you only need ONE word... just one word.. to explain it all...

Fuck... is a word with many expressions.. If you are frustrated, Fuck.. If you are angry, Fuck.. if you are sad... look up to the sky, and say Fuck... if you are happy, fuck!


yeah.. it works for me... Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be vulgar or say anything obscene... of cause, Fuck does mean other things.. you know.. the other meaning... but.. I don't mean that meaning... I'm just trying to express myself in a very short and simple way...So simple, that me myself can understand my own feelings..

also, there are those who swear with the addition to fingers... nah.. I don't do that....(ok maybe sometimes.. and I don't know why but I rarely do) .... kinda rude and offensive to the opposite party

and there are those who can speak a sentence full of fuck words, from present tense, to past tense, to past continuous and some even with adverbs of fuck.. and what's amazing is.. the other party understands completely what the heck they are saying.. .... wow.. I tried doing it once.. I only manage to say "fuck and fucking" and that's it...

and also there are those who wants to say fuck.. but dare not.. and instead.. compensate Fuck word with another four letter F word... yes.. and I happen to know one of them.. hehe.... Instead of saying Fuck.. she says..

Fish... FISH(?!) What.the.FISH(???!).....(O_O) ......no comments...





One day, I want to shout "What the Fuck" at the open field near the lodge... the thought of it seems so .. lame..

Wanna join the screaming fiesta??

Yes, I'm a bitch. so What?

I know what you are thinking,
I know I'm selfish,
I know I'm ungrateful,
I get a little crazy..
and
I'm not the only one,
because there are others,
doing this kind of things...
So I guess it's pretty normal..
They are much more worse...
But I think we are some what alike.
Forgive me,
I know I shouldn't do this,
I feel so restless,
because the fact is
I'm already addicted..


Don't judge me,
because of what I did,
Don't judge me,
for what I've become,
Don't judge me,
for not seeing what's wrong and right,
Don't judge me,
because you don't understand,
because everybody understand nobody
Don't judge me,
because this is me...

if I could just write till the morning dawn....

It was Focus... then Distracted..

Seriously,

give me a break.....

I already had my breaks..... two weeks, without doing anything..

Then, why am I still so dazed???

Come on girl, focus....... You still need the results....
OH.MY FUCK.LORD

I still need the results!!!! and here I am, complaining, complaining...

Yes, whiners are for losers....

and who's the one whining ?

who's the one complaining?

who's the biggest loser now? (its a rhetorical question, mind you)

and she's still typing away...

Snap out of it already! Screw my messed up thoughts....

I'm still shock at the fact that I really need the results..... cause I have no where to go without it...

oh SHIATE... great..




sometimes, I secretly wished that I was a nerd.. then I would get stuck in this bloody situation...

and I admit, that Facebook.... is one of man's greatest creation....and also the Mother of All Distractions...bloody hell..

Speaking about self control, even you have the self control of a Saint, I doubt you will resist checking the updates.... even Gandhi, (I bet) cannot resist the temptation of Facebook... Probably, he'll be more into groups like "Feed a Child with a click", " Hunger strike"...

Seriously, everytime I tell myself not to go on Facebook.. I end up scrolling through the updates for 4 hours.. it's like my mind have develop this msg.. " Check Facebook" ...

sometimes, when I reli felt that I have the self control.. when I have the sudden urge to study.. (YA.. study...wow.. this happens.. rarely.. but still it happens lah)... once I see my email spammed with facebook email.. eventhough if its only one facebook email... or if I was in Facebook, finally decided to log out...suddenly, the red little thing called "notification" pops out...

all hell broke loose.... the scrolling and spamming, and replying fiesta comes.. automatically...

see?? HOW TO CONTROL LAH!!??

like just now, after I just wrote "I'm swearing facebook for two weeks" on my wall, I was going to log out.. but end up.. scrolling here and there to see the updates.. Thank god, I was still in touch with my conscience... and managed to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible....... and ended up wasting my time typing all this things out...... What.the.heck.....

and now.. after all this...

I'm going to sleep..

so.. beside facebooking, and blogging.. I did practically .. NOTHING....

So Now What?

& I've completed the form....


& now, I pray...that I won't break on the day I said farewell....

Jesselynn

You are annoying,
and irritating,
you make me want to scream
at the top of my lungs
and yet,
you make my heart melt
you make me smile
You are cuddly
and wriggly
You are dumb,
and smart,
You are clumsy,
just like me,
I reckon it must be something to do with the genes..
you are brave,
and reckless,
You always fall
but you will get back on your feet..
You do daredevils stunt
when you barely walk..(gosh, you shud see mum's reaction)
You are something
that we cannot lose,
You are the glue,
that hold this family together,
You are the pieces that fix
this family which is so shattered..
Who are You??
You are my Sister...



Happy Birthday,
You are 4 this year,
Just want to tell you
I love you,
and I'm sorry,
that I am not beside you today...
but..
since you are going to Shanghai...
with mum and dad today,
I take back my apology.....
and the presents...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSELYNN LEE JIA NING!! i think I spelled ur name wrongly.. *whoopsie daisy* sorry..



I know you are too dumb to read this.. but who cares... sooner or later, you will...

Fact

I rather deny my existence than giving them up..