New Chapter... Interesting nya....

Based on last year post, 2010.. wasn't actually another damn year.

Well, it started off like another damn year... but it ended with a different twist.

Well here's a recap of 2010

Starting of the year,
Sugar price was raised... well it was raised again during late 2010 together with petrol price.

Then.. I flew to Russia to study Med...... A wonderful experience..... I've finally seen Russia.. walk on its soil.. smell the air there.. See the people there... pleasant or unpleasant.. It was worth it.

met few wonderful people there...

Then, got an offer to PMC with twinning programme to Ireland.

Left Russia... with a heavy heart..

Ended up in PMC..

Highlight of the year.
-Fell in love.

Well.. never expected it to happen.. Seems impossible... but.. somehow... Love will find a way....
Life became different... Saw more things in a different way.. Learned how to love.

So.. here's 2011.. and I'm welcoming it with an open heart.. No more "just another damn year" because I know that it's going to be a year full of wonders, love and surprise....

So 2011.. .. Here I come!

From this year.. to forever... I love my bear!

F-L-U-N-K-I-N-G ... for the first time.

I flunked Biology.

I FLUNKED BIOLOGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya la.. no big deal lah if you are a hardcore in failing papers... or you have failed papers before.... I get it... but do you still remember the first paper you failed??? Cannot remember never mind...

THIS. is the FIRST PAPER.. that I've failed. in my whole entire life.. ok.. "current life".. for the last 19 years... ok no, for the last...... when did I start schooling ah? Fine, start from kindergarten till now... I've aced, I've averaged, I've passed, and I've borderline passed.....

Today. I failed.

I'm not sad, nor depressed....

Alah, anyway.. it's just mid-term. and it only contribute 5% marks to the final.

I just think that... This fail-fail thing... is like... something significant. You know? It's like.. Wow.. I failed Biology. This is the start... of the chronological events of  failing papers throughout my life....  If you failed once, you are bound to fail at least another time.. once, twice, many times... I don't know... depends on the amount of study you did.
 Of course, I do not wish to fail AGAIN.. who wants to la... But IF... I fail again.. at least.. it's not the first time.. because I failed Biology before what, so it won't be a huge shocking news.. or maybe it will.. but not as big as.... I FAILED MY PAPER FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!.. 

Oh ya.... but... my lecturer decided to give me 2 marks to pass.. because my assignment was ok..  So.... officially... I failed.. but pass because of my assignment. But let's just assume that I fail lah...

There's a first in everything right?? ;P


P.s I love bear. hehe.

If I were a boy, I don't think you could understand....

You know, eventually everybody will come to a point where they wish there was a "rewind" or "undo" button that can take them back to the past... in fact, I think not only we'll come to only one point, but many points that we always pull out the "what if" question.. We'll always think about the two road that diverged in the wood, that lousy poem that made us go pondering about the other road that wasn't taken...

I think that's everybody's guilty pleasure.. fantasizing about changing the past.. I actually spend most of my time doing that.. not that I regret living my life.

Well, it's not a crime actually.. I mean it's fun though.. maybe to some people, they keep regretting about the choices they made... I don't regret, but what will it be like to not choose this path but instead the other...It's not  wrong... I have no second thoughts and I'm not reliving my past or anything.. just some guilty pleasure..if you have a problem, then it's your problem.. go fuck some one...


Ok let's make a list... everybody loves to make a list..

If I had to start again, what would I do.

1. Firstly, if I have the chance.. I would ask God to change me into a boy...why? because you can do a lot of head banging extreme stuff...like
2. I would take up skateboarding, then I'll go participate in the Asian X games.. and win.. bahahaha
3. I would learn freestyle BMX, and participate in Asian X games... and win again... oh I'm so great.. bahahaha
( well, I know, girls can do it too....but when I was a lil girl, I'm so afraid of pain..if I were a boy, I would go, fuck the pain, give me some game.. )
4. I would go crazy on Dota, Warcraft, Counter strike, Left 4 dead, Need for speed, Dead or Alive.. then I would participate in the World Cyber Games.... and win... again..... oh yeah, I'm awesome.. bahahaha
(not that being a girl , I can't do any of this.. but so far, girls have much more self control)
5. I would do breakdancing... and break a leg.. or an arm.. better still my neck..
(not that being a girl I can't do this, but I'll have more courage)
6. I would want to try parkour.. (what is parkour?  google it).... not pak tor k...... tat's totally different.
7. I would really really go and join the army... ( too bad, I'm a girl and I hate marching)
8. I would start a boy band and go slam my jam like some Sum 41 dude head..
9. I would try marijuana and cocaine.... (that's why, I'm a girl... )
10. I would really love physic
11. and end up being a engineer
12. or I would be the first person to invent the time machine
13. I would like computer and technology
14. and end up being a hacker
15. and I will hack the national security of some country...or better still.. my country..
16. I would love photography and get myself a DSLR.. (not that I hate it.. but if I were a boy, I would have more passion to go for it)
17. I would have ran away from home.... and explore the world on my own.. ( because I have the courage ... hah!) ... but to get the money to do that... I have no idea... O_O..
18. Medicine would never be my top priority unless someone in the family die (touchwood)
19. I would hate Edward Cullen
20. My room wouldn't be PINK.. for hell's sake... ( not that I'm loving pink now.. it's just that my mum confuse Purple and Pink.. and mad my rooom into some easter bunny hell hole)...

Well, if I were a boy..

Yes, I'm a bitch. so What?

I know what you are thinking,
I know I'm selfish,
I know I'm ungrateful,
I get a little crazy..
and
I'm not the only one,
because there are others,
doing this kind of things...
So I guess it's pretty normal..
They are much more worse...
But I think we are some what alike.
Forgive me,
I know I shouldn't do this,
I feel so restless,
because the fact is
I'm already addicted..


Don't judge me,
because of what I did,
Don't judge me,
for what I've become,
Don't judge me,
for not seeing what's wrong and right,
Don't judge me,
because you don't understand,
because everybody understand nobody
Don't judge me,
because this is me...

if I could just write till the morning dawn....

Confessions and Redemptions..

*late post.. blame it on the quota, supposed to be posted on 1 Syawal*


Sorry I say,
for being ignorant
Sorry I say,
for being oblivious,
Sorry I say,
for not understanding,
Sorry I say,
for the disappointment
Sorry I say
for not returning,
Sorry I say
for the words that bleed
Sorry I say,
for those unseen tears
Forgiveness I ask,
on the dawn of Syawal
as I am condemned
with the mistakes I commit
Free me from guilt
save me from remorse
For I'll make it all up to you again..
*Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri, maaf zahir and batin*

My all time dream..

Alas, another failure.... I didn't get through PQA.... First it was ISAT.. .. and I scored lower beyond average.. which seems abit embarrassing to me..well.. I reckon that it all gotta do with my level of IQ.. If I could turned back time... I would do more IQ and brain developing questions when I was small.. I would do more problem solving... I would learn how to love Maths.. and never hate it.. But the past is the past.. whatever it is, it will always remains the same.. So, I guess I'm at a crosspoint now.. To decide, whether I continue on pursuing Medicine or to drop all these silly dreams and just change course.. change to something which suits me..What do I really want??

Everytime, when I was asked, "Why Medicine? Why not others?" I always find myself out of words... Why?? Why do I want this so much?? I don't have the brains, I don't have the perseverance.. but now.. I think I've got the answer.. I want to be a doctor..

I want to be a doctor.. it's not because my parents are one.. (okay, I admit there are some influence coming from them) but that's not the reason why..
I want to be a doctor because I want to help people.. I bet that's the lamest excuse that anyone and everyone can give... but it's true...

I want to help people..
I want to save people...
I want to heal people.. because I think Life.. is very precious..
and everyone should enjoy Life till the fullest.. and not be pinned down by diseases and sickness.
And if they are pinned down by diseases and sickness,
I want to be their healing hands,


I want to be the one reaching out to them.. To pull them out from their agony and sufferings...



I want to see their beloved ones in happiness.. and not in tears..




because tears are....





I know Death is a way how life revolve.. but I want to prevent it..
because.. death.. is something that not all can understand..and not all can accept too
Death maybe a beginning for an eternal life... But what about the life before this eternal life?? Isn't that life?




I want to be a doctor because I want to wipe away the tears of those who are in grief..
because I know how bad it sucks to lose somebody.. (though I never really lost someone..XD)
I want to buy time for those who don't appreciate their loved ones.. so that they won't drown in remorse when they lose them or for those who have unfinished things.



I want to stand beside those who are ready to leave.. and tell them that it's ok .. to see them look at the world for the last time and being contented without any regrets.. and taking in their last breathe from this world...
I want to try my best to save them.. and if I can't I'll be the one to hold their hands until they let go... because I did my best..
I want to be the one who will welcome life.. and also the one who will walk with them in their misery till the end of their path so they won't be the only one walking..
but the most important thing is..
I want to be doctor because I want people to live...
and of course.. I want to be a doctor so that the people I loved will never suffer...



yeah.. I know all these things.. seems kinda impossible and stupid to do aite?? Death will always be occuring.. and people will be always dying.. but I want to do my best to relief them from their pain.. tat's what doctors do what? Not meh??? So there.. I said it.. I finally said the words from my heart.. the words tat seems so hard to be said..


So, this failure is not the end for me.. I will.. am going to be a doctor... Now I just have to see how far I can take myself to go beyond the distance... I don't care how much more failure I am going to go through, or maybe that far till I have to give up my friends here.. But I will continue to walk down this path.. Now.. the problem is HOW?? well.. that's another story..for now.. Gambateh, Jasmine..


p.s Congrats to Alex and Mich for getting the interview!! Best of luck !!! love ya lots...

Catch a falling star...

A very short post...

I have been constantly surrounded by unique individuals throughout my life.. ...they add the stars and moon into my life which shines during my darkest days.. They sometimes can make me so happy that I can fly so high into the sky.... they too.... are the ones that can make my blood boil and tears drop..

When I was back home, I knew these few girls...They, were really something... They do not come and go, like chapters in my life... They were footprints, embedded deep into my soul..


I never thought I would survive without them... Leaving them.. was one of the hardest thing I have to do (back then)....I left home, with an empty heart.. leaving all the memories behind.. and flying off to a foreign land.. to start a new life..

I thought that I would never be the same again, as I closed my heart and sunk back into denial ..I thought I had lost a part of myself.. until.... I met these guys....




We started off as total strangers(well, for some of us).. with different backgrounds and different identities... and now we are all entangled in this web of friendship which I find it almost impossible to break off... In a foreign land, where our families are miles apart, we moved through the months together, hand in hand.. facing almost everything that life gave us. As the days, weeks, months just flew by, the bond of our friendship strengthen.. even stronger than the ionic , covalent and secondary interaction bond in those lame chemistry compounds...

We infected each other with our lame genes... We shared the crazy moments together... I find it quite amazing that it has only been few months.. but I'm already emotionally attached to them... Somehow, I feel like we are like one big family.. and I know that they will catch me if I fall.. and never let me wander too far into the darkness... but then again.. these are only my own feelings.. and thoughts....and the year is ending...and we will be leaving again.. and the question is.. am I prepared for another farewell???



*I doubt*


but all I know is... they are like falling stars.. crashing lights into my life... what will I do without them?