My all time dream..

Alas, another failure.... I didn't get through PQA.... First it was ISAT.. .. and I scored lower beyond average.. which seems abit embarrassing to me..well.. I reckon that it all gotta do with my level of IQ.. If I could turned back time... I would do more IQ and brain developing questions when I was small.. I would do more problem solving... I would learn how to love Maths.. and never hate it.. But the past is the past.. whatever it is, it will always remains the same.. So, I guess I'm at a crosspoint now.. To decide, whether I continue on pursuing Medicine or to drop all these silly dreams and just change course.. change to something which suits me..What do I really want??

Everytime, when I was asked, "Why Medicine? Why not others?" I always find myself out of words... Why?? Why do I want this so much?? I don't have the brains, I don't have the perseverance.. but now.. I think I've got the answer.. I want to be a doctor..

I want to be a doctor.. it's not because my parents are one.. (okay, I admit there are some influence coming from them) but that's not the reason why..
I want to be a doctor because I want to help people.. I bet that's the lamest excuse that anyone and everyone can give... but it's true...

I want to help people..
I want to save people...
I want to heal people.. because I think Life.. is very precious..
and everyone should enjoy Life till the fullest.. and not be pinned down by diseases and sickness.
And if they are pinned down by diseases and sickness,
I want to be their healing hands,


I want to be the one reaching out to them.. To pull them out from their agony and sufferings...



I want to see their beloved ones in happiness.. and not in tears..




because tears are....





I know Death is a way how life revolve.. but I want to prevent it..
because.. death.. is something that not all can understand..and not all can accept too
Death maybe a beginning for an eternal life... But what about the life before this eternal life?? Isn't that life?




I want to be a doctor because I want to wipe away the tears of those who are in grief..
because I know how bad it sucks to lose somebody.. (though I never really lost someone..XD)
I want to buy time for those who don't appreciate their loved ones.. so that they won't drown in remorse when they lose them or for those who have unfinished things.



I want to stand beside those who are ready to leave.. and tell them that it's ok .. to see them look at the world for the last time and being contented without any regrets.. and taking in their last breathe from this world...
I want to try my best to save them.. and if I can't I'll be the one to hold their hands until they let go... because I did my best..
I want to be the one who will welcome life.. and also the one who will walk with them in their misery till the end of their path so they won't be the only one walking..
but the most important thing is..
I want to be doctor because I want people to live...
and of course.. I want to be a doctor so that the people I loved will never suffer...



yeah.. I know all these things.. seems kinda impossible and stupid to do aite?? Death will always be occuring.. and people will be always dying.. but I want to do my best to relief them from their pain.. tat's what doctors do what? Not meh??? So there.. I said it.. I finally said the words from my heart.. the words tat seems so hard to be said..


So, this failure is not the end for me.. I will.. am going to be a doctor... Now I just have to see how far I can take myself to go beyond the distance... I don't care how much more failure I am going to go through, or maybe that far till I have to give up my friends here.. But I will continue to walk down this path.. Now.. the problem is HOW?? well.. that's another story..for now.. Gambateh, Jasmine..


p.s Congrats to Alex and Mich for getting the interview!! Best of luck !!! love ya lots...