What is wrong with me?

Sometimes, I have identity crisis. 

Yes. I'm serious.

Welcoming the Brother Homee..

My bro's back from Can-can  Land.. (Can-ada)..

I'm supposed to be thrill.. like super duper fucking thrill because it's sibling time.. yeah, but that was days ago, when he actually just stepped out of the arrival zone... and we had the 3 minutes of family moments

Here's the recap of the family moment scene..

First, we waited, anxiously for bro to come out
then, we kept on waiting....

and waiting....


after 1 hour, we were still waiting.. by the time, the big sis lost the anxious feeling.. but lil sis was still waiting..

15 minutes later, Bro walks out...

and tats when the 3 minutes start..

1st minute.
lil sis ran... on full speed, dashing head on, sprinted with never before seen a face of  pure bliss and happiness, into the speed of light, to infinity and beyond (ah, you get it) towards her long time no see bro....

they hugged... embraced... jumped with happiness, burst into a euphoric scene, a brother and sister moment.. 
she said,

kor kor, you're back !! you're back! I misssseeddd yoooouuu..

the brother say,

awww I misssss you too!!..

2nd minute.
the mother walks to her son... they embrace... again..mum kiss son, son don't kiss mum... kinda flinched away..... teenagers..... always thinks that they're too cool for mum kisses now... 

then mum, son and irritating but at that moment, cute lil sis walks towards the dad and the big sis, who was witnessing the big dramatic scene...

3rd minute.
dad says hi.. bro says hi back.
Dad teased son, son chuckled...
The big sis said hi, bro says hi back
then launched into big conversation
little sis trys to take bro attention,
fails.
epic fails...
she trys again, with the help of mum,
bro forced to play with her...
Big sis got annoyed...

then... there goes the family moments.. after that it was just constant irritation and jealousy all the way back home.

and, the next day... it was just a normal day.... plain.. boring.. nothing much.. no life... wasted (ah, you get it)....

Caster away!

It's mid June..... and it's nowhere near September... crazy as it sounds... I'm fed off moping around at home... I want to get back to class, where stress, pressure and crazy weird freaks known as nerds exist... it's better than having to get stuck in some transition/waiting period where everybody's around you are having exams....

so to settle this unwanted feeling, I'm learning the art of skating......... not on ice.. but on the ground with some weird new cheap board called a caster board/ ripstick....

unlike the skateboard, it has 2 wheels instead of 4, thus making stability even harder...

and with my born-with-clumsiness nature, I think I'm going to have a great time.. maybe this time I can break something..

so, Yesterday, my mum bought a caster board from polo ground and... it was actually.. meant for my sister..

Yes.. My sister... she's 5... and she gets a caster board..... What do I get when I was 5???
Peter and Jane multi-pack story book... so not fair....

and there were lots of kids playing with the board.... KIDS... annoying brats that know how to run and act innocents... I don't see teenagers... I see midgets.. skating as if they were already skating in their mother's womb...

Casterboard normally looks like this...

cool rite??

instead, my mum chose this....

Of all board, she chose this..................... well, like I said.. it's for my sister..


so to move this thing.. all you have to do is to move your hips from here to there..... google it if u'r so curious..


easy as it sound....


well.. if it's so easy.....



I wouldn't have to fall

TWICE

on my butt...do you know how nerve-wreckingly painful to fall on your ass?? It's worst than getting it kick.

and I fell infront of my dog and my sister some more.....She laughed..... A five year old laughed, mockingly at me..  already with a sore ass, I get a hurt ego.


well at least after falling twice.... I manage to start moving.. so yeah me!

Back from Chinese land

I'm back from China, The Land of the Chinese.....

& I'm currently deciding whether or not to post every single detail about this trip... because it'll be a very long and boring one if I did... if you don't die of reading it, I probably die writing it...

So here's a short summary about it.

The trip.. was SUPPOSED to be fun...

I was SUPPOSED  to enjoy myself....

I had been waiting for this trip for weeks

and on the 1st day I reached Beijing..

I fell sick.

So...... my 1 week was quite miserable.... because I've been counting the days to go back ever since the 1st day..


but... judging the fact that

I get to step into the Forbidden City

I get to climb the Great Wall of China (it's really a climb of a lifetime)

I get to see real life Pandas walking infront of me

I get to see really amazing chinese architecture

It's still kinda cool to me.. even when I have to drag my miserable self to walk... but it was quite an experience.

If I were a boy, I don't think you could understand....

You know, eventually everybody will come to a point where they wish there was a "rewind" or "undo" button that can take them back to the past... in fact, I think not only we'll come to only one point, but many points that we always pull out the "what if" question.. We'll always think about the two road that diverged in the wood, that lousy poem that made us go pondering about the other road that wasn't taken...

I think that's everybody's guilty pleasure.. fantasizing about changing the past.. I actually spend most of my time doing that.. not that I regret living my life.

Well, it's not a crime actually.. I mean it's fun though.. maybe to some people, they keep regretting about the choices they made... I don't regret, but what will it be like to not choose this path but instead the other...It's not  wrong... I have no second thoughts and I'm not reliving my past or anything.. just some guilty pleasure..if you have a problem, then it's your problem.. go fuck some one...


Ok let's make a list... everybody loves to make a list..

If I had to start again, what would I do.

1. Firstly, if I have the chance.. I would ask God to change me into a boy...why? because you can do a lot of head banging extreme stuff...like
2. I would take up skateboarding, then I'll go participate in the Asian X games.. and win.. bahahaha
3. I would learn freestyle BMX, and participate in Asian X games... and win again... oh I'm so great.. bahahaha
( well, I know, girls can do it too....but when I was a lil girl, I'm so afraid of pain..if I were a boy, I would go, fuck the pain, give me some game.. )
4. I would go crazy on Dota, Warcraft, Counter strike, Left 4 dead, Need for speed, Dead or Alive.. then I would participate in the World Cyber Games.... and win... again..... oh yeah, I'm awesome.. bahahaha
(not that being a girl , I can't do any of this.. but so far, girls have much more self control)
5. I would do breakdancing... and break a leg.. or an arm.. better still my neck..
(not that being a girl I can't do this, but I'll have more courage)
6. I would want to try parkour.. (what is parkour?  google it).... not pak tor k...... tat's totally different.
7. I would really really go and join the army... ( too bad, I'm a girl and I hate marching)
8. I would start a boy band and go slam my jam like some Sum 41 dude head..
9. I would try marijuana and cocaine.... (that's why, I'm a girl... )
10. I would really love physic
11. and end up being a engineer
12. or I would be the first person to invent the time machine
13. I would like computer and technology
14. and end up being a hacker
15. and I will hack the national security of some country...or better still.. my country..
16. I would love photography and get myself a DSLR.. (not that I hate it.. but if I were a boy, I would have more passion to go for it)
17. I would have ran away from home.... and explore the world on my own.. ( because I have the courage ... hah!) ... but to get the money to do that... I have no idea... O_O..
18. Medicine would never be my top priority unless someone in the family die (touchwood)
19. I would hate Edward Cullen
20. My room wouldn't be PINK.. for hell's sake... ( not that I'm loving pink now.. it's just that my mum confuse Purple and Pink.. and mad my rooom into some easter bunny hell hole)...

Well, if I were a boy..

Vampires, ah Vampires..

Yes... Vampires..

Well, it just happened that I told my skeptic dad and mum about hearing bell sounds which is similar to the sound of the bell around my dogs' neck... and I've been hearing it for 1 whole week at 5am every morning.. EVERY morning... and it's not once... its a few times..I bet my dog loves to walk TO AND FRO.. directly outside my window.. everyday only at 5am... &; so happens, my oh-so-very-skeptic father suggested a theory

The Chinese Vampire Invasion..

You know? Chinese vampire?? the chinese horrific easter bunny??

I realised that among all the vampires, the chinese vampires are the least fearful of all .. Compared to western vampires and pontianak...

No, seriously... Have you ever seen a chinese vampire?? (not that I've seen one) .
Their appearances are usually with red eyes, bloody mouth, half decayed tongue, downright horrifying rottened faces and they exist just to suck the life out of the living as if one is sucking the last drop of a Yakult bottle... ... yes, if that doesn't scare the shit out of you, it has already scared the shit out of me.... BUT.. once they start moving around, more like "hopping" ....even with such description above, it still hard to take them seriously.. because you probably be laughing your guts out... and with arms outstretched and hopping altogether.... I would definitely be laughing with 10 fingers pointing at them...

They're similar to easter bunnies, only minus the eggs and the big cute bunny eyes and bunny outfit ... and if a bunch of them appear, you can invite your friends over to watch their synchronized hopping performance...  &; to stop them from sucking your life, you just have to find some yellow paper (Post-it papers will do) with talismen writing on it, and just stuck it up their forehead... They'll just freeze... take it out, they'll hop again..  
Hop-freeze-hop-freeze-hop....

The girl in the picture is not running away from the big bad vampire nor is she crying.. She's probably running as fast as she can to call upon her friends to join her laughing fiesta... 

Compared to the western ones, one will laugh non-stop at chinese vampires, but swoon and melt under the hands of a western ones...

For example.. Twilight..

Even though they're many anti-Edward fans out there, there are still millions of Edward Cullen fans out there who probably die to become Bella...  Even Bella, cannot resist the temptation of being a vampire... Who wants more than anything in the world to be apart of a vampire family???? even the dad is so mouth-drooling hot... there is no such thing as fear..




Even with face like this...

forget about the fear for vampires, you probably be begging to be one of them





Ok.. maybe Twilight is not a good example..
What about Interview with the Vampire???

If Brad Pitt can pull a vampire look, I bet the real one would look more drop-dead breathtaking gorgeous....

and Count Dracula

the moment he says "I vant your bloood", girls are already lining up at his doorstep to become his immortal bride...















See... with face like that..

he get... women like this....

But, if you encounter something like the Pontianak... Go ahead and fear...fear all you can

No matter how beautiful she was last time, you wouldn't want to mess with something like that...

In some Malay folklore, they say Banshee (pontianak) are women who died in child birth and came back for revenge.. Of course lah revenge.... You go through hours and hours of labour and at the end.. you didn't even get to see your child and die in pain and without grace.... confirm bengang lah.. 

and coming back from the dead like this..

and not this..

would scare the hell out of the living....

but something like this... I would rather compare them to the Teracotta Soldiers...

Blunt

I'm blunt...

in fact, I'm getting blunter and blunter as each day passes...

My emotions, my feelings, my thoughts, my rationality, my senses.. They're all becoming blunt. So blunt that everything seem lifeless to me. As if I'm walking in a dream.. Only walking but never looking.... and if I happen to look, I'm never seeing nor feeling..

Gahh..... I need something happening... I need a new perspective.. This cannot go on..


I need to be awaken

Another random Idea..

From now, I'm gonna remember "the very first day we met" for every people I've met. 

Actually, this phrase was suppose to be in my dream...

I was sleeping.. and I was dreaming.

I think it was more to thinking and cracking my brain than dreaming...because I was trying so damn hard just to remember when was the first time I met those people in my dream...and I can't remember all of them but only some.. maybe because some has more vivid impression... Not necessarily good, not necessarily bad too... So when I woke up, this idea was stuck to my head like some UHU glue.. So I've decided to go along with it since it's not a bad idea...

Though first impressions doesn't really judge a person but remembering the first time brings a damn  bond with your friend...The first time we met man!! It's only between you, me and no one else..  Who else will share the same first day??? Maybe, you met that person in a group, 10 people saw you the very first time, you saw 100 people the very first time... So what?? Same day only what.... but your perception towards each and everyone is different right?? Also, the first split seconds when you first saw somebody..
Don't tell me when you bump into 5 people,  your damn brain can instantly visualise 5 people infront of you just like that.. NO.. you'll look at everyone one by one... in just split seconds.. and by that split seconds, you have multiple impressions and thoughts about somebody eventhough you don't give a damn.......but who knows, from that damn insignificant day onwards, you're friends with one of the 10 people or maybe friends with all of them...
I mean why the hell would I go so far to remember the very first time we met eventhough it maybe insignificant, normal, bored, plain, nothing much to remember...This prove that you're not just a nobody.... at least I give a damn about you......maybe I cannot remember the exact date, but I still have some mental image about you when I first saw you... & also its quite fun... you still can share it out after years and years of friendship.. You can even blackmail them if it that first time experience was an embarrassing moment.....

Ok, enough with the damnation thing..

So what I'm gonna do is get a book.. and from now, I shall start jotting down every person that I've encounter or just encounter in person.. ok.. not every people I meet, but the ones that I really see and not just glanced through.. Of course I won't remember all, like for people who I've met when I'm small or those that has been with me for years.. but I still have some picture about the first time I saw you eventhough its fading..

My memory doesn't last that long.

Nightmare wasn't on Elmstreet, but Me........

Today I woke up at 1.30pm.... despite sleeping at 5am the last night... It's consider a very big improvement for me as I've been waking up at 5pm ... urgh.. even I feel so unhealthy about waking up this late.. but what to do????  There's your bed... your bear bears.... your bolster... and your irritating sister... what more to do than just sleeping in????

Well, today I went to watch a movie.... A horror movie in fact... It's not really about ghost and paranormal activity.. ok.. it's supernatural.. but not ghostly.. because ghostly movie is a big no-no for me... The movie was:

Nightmare on Elm Street.... 

I thought it wasn't a big deal because I know that this doesn't happen in real life.. In fact I know what the whole story is about... I know the whole plot because I wikied it the night before.. I know which one is gonna die now.. who's gonna die now... who killed the killer... bla bla bla ... literally it means EVERYTHING..

Basically, the whole story is about some lame perverted man that cannot be killed even how many times you burn, stab, castrate him....  not to mention having hideous and ugly face beyond all reason.. walking around, crankling his knives-like fingers.... killing fucked up teens who were all having the same nightmare....... and at the end... everyone died..... ok.. Not everyone... the last 2 didn't.. but their brains were psychologically screwed...   

Not scary right?? Sounds kind of boring..

I ended up watching with a popcorn cup bigger than the size of my head infront of me.. 

All I can see is... the border of the screen.....and people screaming here and there... The girl beside me was clinging to her boyfriend as if she's the one getting killed. 
Well, it's still better than having to hide your face behind a popcorn cup for 2 hours or sooo.....
The moment the movie starts.....just so instantly, I felt that pang of regret in my chicken heart.....

thump, thump, Thump, THUMP!! THUMP!!! THUMP!!!!!! Oh shittt.... WTF, WTF, WTF... WTH... oh hell lord, have mercy on me........... 

all this happened in the internal part... on the external part, everytime they have this.. "JIEEEENNNGGG!!!!" sound.. (means that the killer has appeared, and ready to chop people into curry)... my body does this 1 second epilepsy... Only 1 second.. not 2.. but 1..


Gahhh... pathetic.... Horror movie.. is so not my thing........Call me to do anything, I will cross blistering winds, scorching desert, climbed the highest mountains...........to watch any kind of movies with you....  (you pay for my expenditure and journey lah)... BUT when it comes to horror stuff like this.... I chickened out.......like an ostrich freaking out with its head under the ground......

I vow that this is the FINAL and LAST.... and I mean it.. LASTTT!!!! with triple Ts ..... that I'm watching a horror movie......


It's sadistic that my mind get easily messed up but unrealistic things..........

The Eagle is back to Home Base

This time the flight from Dubai-Kl was far more comfortable than the 5 hours of torment from Moscow-Dubai... because I have my tv...

and also the whole three seats to myself....

Yeah!



















The whole idea of travelling alone especially when it involves transiting sucks alot because:

1. There's no one to watch over your bags...

means you have to constantly be aware of your own belongings.... also means that you have to carry it around anywhere and everywhere you go.. like the toilet....

2. there's no one to wake you up when it's time to board...which then results unnecessary panic moments

Like when I suddenly woke up and realised that no-one was around me... . I checked my time and the clocks say 10.50am while I remembered that the boarding time was 9.30am.... My heart seriously dropped.... I was swearing and cursing here there and everywhere... turns out... that it was actually 9.50am, the gate opens at 9.30am and boarding time was at 10.30am....

3. there's no one to wake you up when it's time to eat...

I missed my flight meal.... well it's no big deal... but this time the meal include TIRAMISU!!! WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE SOME MORE WEH...... I was craving for that man... well too bad lahh...

But overall, the trip back was alright...

and once the wheels of the plane touches the ground, I realised that everything's over... Kursk is more like a dream to me... I'm home... .... though this place is home.. and it gives me a sense of belonging.... it also gives me the feeling of being trapped...  like a bird... after flying few thousand miles.... it finally returned back to its own cage... & some day, I'll be free again.... & I'll will continue flying.. far away... but no matter how far I fly... I will return back to my very own cage...

& as I stepped out of the airport.... the humid air which again surrounds me... and I'm overwhelmed with my allergy again...... No doubt, I'm home for real.

A quickie in Dubai

I've finally arrived in Dubai airport after a torturous 5 hour flight with no inflight entertainment and with very bad back and shoulders ache ...

The airport is packed with ppl eventhough it's 6 in the morning ... There's so many ppl until it made me grumpy... What a good way to start a morning .... I woke up with aches, have to try to open a path for me to walk because there's too many ppl and the movement was sorta stagnant and I eventually lost my patience and start pushing through... Plus there's no seats and now the only thing that is cheering me up is my burger from burger king ..

So here I am at the gate avoiding humans and waiting for the time to pass... And I'm seeing many tired faces ... I feel for them .. Transitting is indeed exhausting ... 3 hours to me is already like O.M.G.. Imagine having 12 hours of transit.. I think I can just sleep on the floor and wait till being called ...

Anyway I noticed that today I saw alot of Japanese ... Japan on holiday ka ?? All so free to tour Dubai airport.. But they all damn cute lah especially the elderlys .. The old people like to wear the hat which is usually worn by cancer patients .. And they are so easily amazed by small things .. As if that it was god made... And I saw some of then posing infront of the fountain with peace sign ...

And now, I'm not very sure whether I'm at the right gate ... WHY NO MALAYSIANS WAN ??!! All in burger king and starbucks izit ??? Ai ya wth lah .. I still have time ..

More updates soon....

Before flights happenings

What happened on the plane before flight


Nothing......

Thank god I got the aisle seat, at least I won't feel so trapped and I found out that my seat for Dubai-KLIA is a window seat!! I get to lean on the wall and gaze outside anytime I want ...

The plane is full .. And I wonder where all these ppl come from... Don't they have jobs to do, families to feed ??

Oh great, my tv is not working... So much for inflight entertainment.... Argh !! How am I suppose to endure the whole 5 hours flight !?

Now, I am seeing this woman from the business class, snapping pictures of her seat ( FYI, my seat is near the business class zone or izit First class?? Watever lah, conclusion is more glam and syok then economy class) As I was saying this woman was happily snapping photos.. I bet it's her first time in business class .. Very happy hor?? Come snap pictures in the economy class lah, view also not bad wat .. Just crammed only mah...... I see her having a glass of wine too..white wine some more leh.. Wah.. Enjoying the life eh??

Oh my tv is working again, now they are talking about emergency procedure Why do we even need to fasten our seat belts? I mean if ( touchwood ) the plane crash , we all die anyway with or without seat belts ... That's why I never fasten my seat belts...Unless if the seat belts are so cool that makes you look cool maybe I would ( jZ kidding )

Ok, it's time to take off !!! And I realise my tv is not working again W.T.F !!?? Noooooo!!!!!!

Shit lah..

A quickie is Demodedovo

Yeah I've finally found a way to blog through my itouch...after all these years ...(no lah, not years but months) Anyway I'm currently in Moscow Demodedovo Airport and I can't believe that they have wifi here FOR FREE ..no seriously, I thought everything in Russia has a price tag on it...even the Internet.. Turns out I'm wrong leaving me feeling like a noob now ..

So moving on, here I am in the waiting lounge along with 40 or more people around me ...
The women on my left is sleeping with her glasses on.

The woman on my right just took of a shoes and I'm smelling some odd smell slowly creeping into my nose ( it's a mixture of perfume and sweat, mostly it smell like some armpit smell) Oh!! She's wearing glasses too...

The woman infront of me is wearing sunglasses... I guess she's having jet lag because it seems to her that it's day time with super glaring sun shining from nowhere ... Now she just took it off....

There's this boy infront of me, and he's drawing horses, more like drawing a horse head (omg, the feet smell again)

The woman behind me is doing something I don't know because I can't see her , in fact I don't think that she's a woman ....

Now I'm playing peek-a-boo with the horse boy's brother ... We are sticking our tongues, he's hiding ....... And I'm still smelling the feet smell, oh gawd....

So as I look up from my itouch, I saw more people and I guess boarding time is soon ..

Urgh I hate to travel... Don't get me wrong, I love to travel and see the world but the process of it like taking a flight, transit, packing and carrying luggage.. It sucks alot..

So here I am, blogging just to let the 40 minutes pass like a snap.. Of course the people here are interesting, there are:
The couples
The newly wed which you can see lots of PDA
Husbands and wives of all age range
Toodles and small kids that drive their parents crazy
Business men who are either on their laptop or their high- fi bb phones ...
Familes.. I mean big familes.. From baby to greatgrandparents
And last but not least the loners
Like the woman with smelly feet, the girl infront of me , the guy far away from me, people around me, and of course me ...

Ok, I think that's my cue to go ... So more updates soon...

P.s the smell is killing me !!!!!!

Knit Buzz 2

Ok... I'm done with my knitting... In these two weeks.. I've completed 2 knitting projects.. A scarf and a cap... & I'm so darn proud of myself... though it may not seem so nice... It's pure hard work....

So there.. my finally finished scarf..

and now.. the cap...

It started from this..

5 needles k... I nearly vomitted blood...



to this...

The fluffy ball on the top of the head was made by my friend












Combined them together..

You get a mismatch of outfit !!

Knit Buzz

Yes.... Update is getting less and less frequent....It's all because my day is so packed.... & I don't really have time to blog.....


So.. what's the buzz?? I ain't going to class no more..... Now.. the only priority is to get my scarf done by next week... because I'm heading back to the Land of Racists and with more Racists (Malaysia) next week... Time flies like nobody business..... So fast that you wouldn't even notice.. that time really can fly...

Anyway.. what's happening lately is.. I've started taking knitting classes (last week) from this super expert in knitting senior....... & HE'S A MALE SOME MORE WEH.... tell me... how many guys can knit man..... He can knit almost like .... anything... seriously.. and no... he's not gay, and he sure ain't no girly girl.....  & because of knitting, he's surgical skills are so damn good.. *though I've not actually seen him in action during operation.. but based on his knitting speed and accuracy... he's no noobie.... & it's proven.... Knitting improve surgical dexterity... and a whole lots of other benefits that you wouldn't even give a damn about.... (google it, if u are)...

Anyway.. like I said.. I've been learning knitting.... and my first "project" is... Scarf... beginner style...... So , he brought us to buy our knitting starter kit.. which.. consist of.. Yarns... knitting needles.. and crochet.... &; thus, our lesson begins....

Initially.. it was quite tough.. handling needles... and yarn strings at the same time...... made a hell lot of mistakes.... certainly got laughed at alot of times..... but once you get the hang of it.... It's quite enjoyable... thus.. It also relief stress....

So.. I chose Blue, Beige and Turquoise colour as my main colours for my scarf....

This is the first attempt of knitting my scarf....
Notice the holes and bumps....















Look closer... more holes and bump...... (fail___________)











Now even closer... WTH?!  Such big hole..... an embarrassment to all knitters....














This is the 2nd attempt..
&; it looks better than the 1st.....

Just let it flow..

& the 3rd one...
it's improving.. even though there are holes and bumps....

This is just the beginning... will post up the full scarf after I finish this.....

Spring.. is in the air...

It's Spring here.... ok.. It's already been Spring ever since we touched down Russia, but it's started to get warm already... & the place is starting to bloom with flowers.....

Russia, maybe a harsh country...

But when Spring comes....it's certainly put a softness into this place...

You don't need to go to Japan to see Sakura.. because there are sakura here...

 They bloom fast... and wilt very fast too.... You may see it bloom today.. The next two day.... it is there no more.... So small and delicate, yet beautiful beyond reasons..

Also.. there are alot of tulips......

Red Tulips..














Yellow Tulips...














Mutated Tulips...

When plants mutate, they look pretty... but when human mutate.... all hell breaks loose.....


then,

there's this flower... which I don't know..


















 more sakuras.... I think this is sakuras..

Yellow Narcissus
















Dandelions...

There's alot.. ALOT of dandelions here... but we didn't really noticed it... until we saw... them floating everywhere in the air..... I thought it was bugs.... Turns out.. they were DANDELIONS....

Another unknown flower...



















The place is just simply colourful......

no longer like this...

see lah... so sad right??? Like the Land of Dead.. where Zombies can spring out anytime, anywhere, any second.....











And after 3 weeks... all of these.. will be in the past.... and what's left is only Me and My memories.....

Of course, where this journey ends, another voyage begins....